


I'll Show you Someone Loves you

by Fayth_Delarosa



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BUT I LOVE THESE BLOODY IDIOTS TO DEATH SO IT WILL CONTINUE ON, Bazine is an ultra bitch in this one, Ben Needs Therapy, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben also gets a Rey, Ben's self-esteem is in the floor, Comfort/Angst, Eventual Smut, Except Bazine but that's okay because she's a bitch, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Healing, Most likely will be multi-chapter, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rey Gets Her Man, Rey Needs A Hug, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Build, Slow Burn, This Was Supposed To Be A One Shot, This is a tortuous slow burn, Wedding Day, Wedding for Convinience, but won't be updated frequently, everyone is happy, must protect these beans, no beta we die like men, now with song inspiration!, one shot Twitter prompt, or it might because I have no sense of self-preservation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:28:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fayth_Delarosa/pseuds/Fayth_Delarosa
Summary: The more he spoke, the lower she feels her heart sinking. “You would condemn yourself to a loveless marriage just like that? When there’s someone out there who loves you?”“Who, Rey?!” his voice is rising now, “Who could possibly do that?!”She clenches her teeth then, anger and fury and sadness flooding her because he couldn’tsee, “Me! Me, you bloody idiot!”
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 52
Kudos: 150
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	1. I'll Show You Someone Loves You

**Author's Note:**

> Another Twitter Prompt filled.
> 
> Another one-shot that has taken a mind of it's own and decided it wanted to be multi-chapter.
> 
> Jesus, take the wheel
> 
> Based on the following prompt https://twitter.com/reylo_prompts/status/1247241916749496320
> 
> **@reylo_prompts Curious Cat Prompt: "Rey overhears Ben’s fiancée saying she's marrying him for his money. Rey breaks the news to him, and he shocks her by saying he knows. Ben says he's going through with it. He doesn’t believe anyone could ever want to marry him for real. Rey vows to convince him otherwise."**  
> 
> 
> * * *

“Baz! Don’t say that so loud!”

Rey paused, her hand hovering just above the door knob as the hissed exclamation was heard even through the closed door. She shouldn’t be here, she doesn’t even like Bazine like that. Not at all if she’s honest with herself. But she forced herself to play nice, if only for _him_.

Still, she had come to give the _blushing_ —as if Bazine Netal is even capable of blushing she mentally scoffed—bride the heads up that the ceremony was set to start in ten minutes and that’s what she would do. She would not be responsible for any hiccups during this wedding, no matter how much she wishes that a hiccup would happen. Her hand is now resting on the knob and she readies herself to turn it and face the prime example of a bridezilla—

“Pfft, I don’t care who hears me. It’s not like he doesn’t know.”

Now that gave Rey pause. Again. And curiosity is a bitch of a thing because she finds herself rooted in place, wanting to know what it is that they’re talking about yet at the same time dreading what she was going to hear. If she could compare her feelings to any other situation she would compare it to a car crash; where one would be rooted in place knowing what’s about to happen and yet unable to look away.

That analogy fits perfectly she thinks; because it feels like she’s about to witness a gruesome and horrible crash.

“Still!” Bazines friend, Gwen, hisses, “You should at least be nicer about this. And you don’t know who’s listening!”

Rey’s eyes widen, and she feels like she’s already been caught even though it isn’t remotely possible that they would know she’s listening in from just the other side of the closed door.

“Still don’t give a shit. He knows and I’m sure everyone knows it’s obvious that I’m only going through this shit fest for his money. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t even look twice his way.”

Rey stifles the gasp that wanted to escape by covering her mouth with both hands, her eyes widening as Bazines words sink into her mind—each syllable a jab against her chest. She only wants him…for his _money_. Something within Rey breaks at that realization, and she feels the sting of tears threatening to fall but she refuses to fall here, not in front of this door and _certainly_ nowhere near Bazine.

“Baz,” Gwen tries again, “he’s a decent guy. You really shouldn’t be such a bitch.”

“Gwen, why don’t you marry him then?”

“I like him but I don’t love him,” Gwen quickly replies.

“Well, you just don’t know how to see an advantageous situation when you see one. He’s rich and he’s easy enough to spin around my finger. I can get all the things I like and still look for someone easy on the eyes to fuck on the side.”

Rey closes her eyes, attempting to breathe slowly and remain calm. But it was difficult to not barge in there and just _rip_ some of that black hair from that bitch’s scalp. Maybe create a bald spot. Would she get arrested for destroying her wedding dress?

But no, that wasn’t the way to go about this. She’s heard more than enough of what she needed to hear. She had to let him know, before he walks down that aisle—before he ties his life to a soul sucking, wallet-emptying vampire bitch that doesn’t deserve him in the slightest.

She had to find Ben.

* * *

He was more than easy enough to find, considering he was situated right where the groom and his groomsmen were supposed to be.

Except when Rey finally arrived to the assigned room and opened the door she found only Ben there, standing by the window and staring outside. She took a brief moment to just stare and take in every detail of him in. His hair was full and soft-looking—he had let it grow out just enough to cover the ears he constantly complains about—and his profile image was a vision she wanted to memorize and cherish. The way the light seemed to ignite golden flecks within his hazel eyes and highlight his plump lips. The way his body just filled the admittedly obnoxious looking white suit that Bazine _insisted_ he wear for whatever godforsaken reason and yet he still looked like an absolute _dream_ in it.

Just like in anything else he wears.

Rey wonders briefly if she looks up the definition of fine specimen of a man if his picture would be the first thing she sees. Ever since he grew into his body as a teen, he was a hulking mass of pure muscle; taking up weights as a way to defend himself from the bullies that tormented him when he was younger, the ones that Rey constantly stood up to on his behalf. Now he certainly doesn’t need her protection, hell, he could easily knock out anyone with just one hand. Ben towers over practically everyone, herself included, and she finds she has to crane her head just to catch the sight of his strong jaw, prominent nose, and smattering of moles that she knows well—has memorized for the longest time.

Her heart takes another painful twist as Bazine’s words echo within her mind. And she finds the gown she’s wearing is now too tight, her skin too itchy, and her throat too dry. Somehow though she manages to clear her throat, just loud enough to catch his attention.

His face turns towards her and he offers her a small smile, hesitant, “Hey Rey.”

She walks into the room and looks around, “Where’s the other guys?”

His smile falters a little at the question, an action so minute that she barely caught it if not for the fact that she’s known him all of her life and is able to see every twitch of his lips and identify it with an emotion—a necessity when getting to know Ben Solo— “They, uhh, went outside for a bit. It’s been…a hectic day.”

She’s nibbling on her lower lip and fidgeting with her hands, his eyes seemingly honing in and deciphering her own emotions. “That—that’s good,” she mumbles, “I kind of needed to talk to you about something.”

He takes a step forward and seems to hesitate, his arms stiff by his sides, “What’s wrong.”

“It’s Bazine,” she blurts out before she can stop herself and winces as the words slip by her mouth, “Sorry.”

His hands are on her shoulders and she looks up, and up, and _up_ , to look at his eyes, “it’s okay. Tell me, Rey.”

Except it isn’t okay, it’s really not. And she feels another painful twisting in her chest and her breaths are becoming harder and harder to maintain and—oh god—she doesn’t know if she can do this to him and how would he even react to this news on his _wedding_ day of all things…

“Rey, breath.”

She realized she was becoming light-headed and took a deep breath, steadying her nerves, “I’m sorry.”

One of his hands is on her cheek now, far more intimate a gesture than he’s ever done with her and she steadily ignores the fluttering in her chest and reminds herself of the situation that they’re in right now. “Don’t be,” he says softly, “just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I just…” she pauses to take another deep breath, “It’s not me… or well… it’s something I heard that I’m worried about and so I have to tell you before all of this happens.”

There’s a slight tick in his jaw before he nods for her to continue.

“I was going to tell Bazine,” his body stiffens slightly at the name, “that we were going to start soon. And I swear that I didn’t mean to overhear them but I heard her say something and I had to tell you because you have to know before you go out there and I’m sorry…so sorry I have to tell you but,” she took another deep breath, steeling her nerves for the next few words that she was going to say, “she said…I heard her say that well,” and yet another deep breath, “she said that she was…only marrying you for the money.”

The silence in the room was stifling and she could practically feel the energy shift in the air. She had avoided his eyes while voicing what she heard and finally took the chance to glance up again, seeing a swirling mass of emotions within them that she could only identify as sadness, sorrow, dejection…

 _Resignation_.

“Rey,” he crosses his arms over his chest and it’s _unfair_ to see how the material bunches and strains against his massive arms, “I…I already know.”

She could feel her mind screech to a halt then, “You what?”

He looks away then, as if ashamed, “I already know,” he repeats quietly.

“You know.”

He nods once, “I do.”

“But why?” the words slip out automatically, because no matter how many times she turns the words over in her mind, no matter what order she places them in, it doesn’t make sense, “Why would you go through with it?”

“Rey—“

“No,” she cuts him off, “I want an answer, Ben. Why would you…why would you _marry her_ knowing she only wants you for your money?”

He swallows then, his Adams apple bobbing in a very distracting way that captures Rey’s attention before he answers, “Because it…it’s mutual benefit.”

It. What?

Her mind is a jumbled mass of confusion the more and more this conversation drags on, “what do you mean mutual, Ben? What the _hell_ does Bazine possibly have to give you?”

There’s a brief stint of silence and Rey wonders if maybe she’s pushed him too far. If maybe this time he will lose his temper and kick her out of the room. But even despite the very real possibility that she’s doing irreparable harm to their friendship, she couldn’t—wouldn’t—allow this to slip by as is without some answers.

A mumbled sound from him pulls her from her thoughts, “Come again?”

He huffs out a breath, raking a hand through his hair and still actively avoiding her gaze when he repeats, “Companionship.”

“C— _companionship?!_ ” Rey finds herself asking incredulously.

He nods once, “Yes.”

“B—but _why_?”

He sighs, and she could see the same resigned look in his eyes and her chest fills with a stifling emotion that she can’t seem to pinpoint, “Look at me, Rey. Who would _want_ to marry me for something other than my money? At least with Bazine I’ll have company.”

She couldn’t believe the words, the way his whole body seemed stiff and defensive while his eyes betray just how vulnerable he truly way. It was insane, ludicrous, and absurd, so many words and synonyms that popped into her mind but the overriding word was

“Stupid.”

His eyes snapped to hers then, his mouth slightly open in surprise, “What?”

She poked at his chest then, her anger overriding every other emotion as she repeats, “Stupid,” poke, “stupid,” poke, “stupid!”

A final poke and she finds that in between each poke he took a step back, which she would easily close once again until the last poke which forced him to sit down on navy blue chaise lounge that was in the room.

“Rey?”

“You are so _bloody_ stupid, Ben!” and before she could think it, she finds herself straddling on top of him, her hands cradling his face to force him to look at her, “how could you even think that?!”

His hands move of their own accord and land on her hips, whether to steady her or just to place his hands somewhere she isn’t sure, his jaw is ticking even more now as he considers her words before answering, “Rey, it’s the truth,” his eyes take on a hard expression, “I know my worth. Bazine knows it. At least I won’t be kidding myself thinking that she loves me. We’re very clear on where we stand and what this is.”

The more he spoke, the lower she feels her heart sinking. “You would condemn yourself to a loveless marriage just like that? When there’s someone out there who loves you?”

“Who, Rey?!” his voice is rising now, “Who could possibly do that?!”

She clenches her teeth then, anger and fury and sadness flooding her because he couldn’t _see_ , “Me! Me, you bloody idiot!” she yelled out before finally swooping down to close the distance between them.

She had imagined her first kiss with Ben several times. Too many to count, if she were honest with herself. Ever since she was a teenager, with raging hormones and a changing body, she’s found herself imagining many things with her best friend Ben. All of them too embarrassing and scary to voice them before. But now, as her lips are pressed to his, his body underneath hers, she can admit to herself that maybe she had been the idiot all along. Or maybe it was both of them.

At least she’s confirmed that his lips really are as soft as she’s always dreamed of. And very full against hers. His initial shock seems to have finally worn off, his hands on her waist tightening their grip and his lips slanting to fit better. A better part of her reminds her that she shouldn’t be doing this, _especially_ on his wedding day, but the part of her currently enjoying this tells it to _shut the hell up_. Because the feeling of kissing Ben felt electric, igniting all of her nerves and turning her hypersensitive to every touch against her skin.

It was heady, completely addicting the way that his hands settled even lower, his tongue running across the seam of her lips to coax her to open; and when she does his tongue slips right by her lips, tangling with hers and exploring every inch of her mouth. Rey distantly registers a moan though she’s unsure if it’s his or her own. It could be both of them for all she knows. But something she _does_ know is that she doesn’t want this to end here. And she needs to voice that.

Immediately.

Reluctantly, she pulls away and feels a small thrill at seeing his eyes half-lidded. It takes him a second to register everything, and she sees his eyes widen and panic set in but she won’t allow it. Her hands remained on his cheeks, forcing him to remain on her. “I like you, Ben. I _really_ do. And I can’t just stand here and watch you walk down the aisle…with _her_ ,” she spits the last word with every ounce of venom she feels before continuing, “and watch you ruin your life.”

She watches him consider her words, sees the way his own mind races with thoughts before his own unbidden words slip out, “How long, Rey?”

She knows what he’s asking, knows what he wants to know and the only answer she can give is, “Long enough. Too long maybe. And I’m also stupid for not saying it sooner. Maybe I was just…afraid.”

“So you said nothing?”

“Yes,” she confirms in a whisper, “I said nothing…but,” she continues to hold his gaze, hoping that he could see the sincerity within her eyes, and the depths of her feelings for him, “I promise you, Ben. I will show you, _every day_ if I have to, that you can be loved and convince you that you are worth it. All of it. I’ll show you someone loves you.”

He takes a shuddering breath then, and closes his eyes. She stays still, allowing him time to process everything that’s just happened. Moments tick by that feel like eternity and she can feel the anxiety well up within her, because maybe she jumped too soon, maybe she put him in an uncomfortable spot, maybe he doesn’t feel anything for her beyond being friends…

She lets out a choked breath and it seems to snap him out of his thoughts. His hands sliding up to cup her face, “Rey?”

“Sorry,” she stutters out, unable to hold back the well of tears this time around, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you, Ben. If you don’t—“a sob escapes her then, “if you don’t feel this way then just tell me. I’ll walk out of here.”

He’s biting his lower lip as he considers her words, before his leans into her to kiss away the damp tears, his hands slide back down to grip her waist and he leans his forehead against hers before replying, “I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t tell you.”

“Still,” he swallows, “I should’ve known. I should’ve seen it.”

“Don’t,” she starts, “don’t force yourself to settle for me. It would be no different then what you’re doing now with Bazine.”

“It’s _not_ the same,” he replies sternly, capturing her attention before lowering his voice down to a whisper, “it’s not the same when I feel the same way.”

Rey gasps, pulling away slightly. Her eyes now wide in shock and watching in fascination as a blush creeps up on his cheeks. “You do?” She sees him hold her gaze, and she can discern the sincerity in his gaze, “oh, you do.”

“I didn’t think,” he huffs out a breath, “I didn’t think you felt the same way. And then you started dating Poe…”

“We broke up.”

“What?”

“Months ago,” she blushes then, “I was trying to move on when you announced your engagement but…I couldn’t.”

“I didn’t know.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Rey…”

“I can’t…I can’t make you not marry her,” she said quietly, “but if you decide to…I’d like to give this a try,” she gestures vaguely between them, as much as she could with the limited space between them, “ _us_ a try.”

He says nothing then, and she takes that as her cue to leave. Carefully she moves to stand, watching his thoughtful expression for a few moments more before saying, “We should go…the ceremony should be starting soon.”

“Right,” he sighs, standing up and straighten the lapels of his suit, “I’ll see you outside?”

Rey offers a hesitant smile, anxiety still settled within her at his lack of an answer, “Sure.”

* * *

Rey had to admit, if there was anything that Bazine knew to do well it was to throw a fancy looking wedding.

Rey was sitting at the front row of the groom’s side, alongside his parents, his uncle Chewie, and her adoptive mother Maz. Other than them the rows on his side were fairly empty, since his other friends Finn, Poe, and Hux were all part of his groomsmen alongside some other male co-workers that he somewhat knew. The bride’s side, meanwhile, was full of people Rey didn’t know, all haughty with their over-the-top dresses and suits and air of arrogance around them.

Up ahead she could see Ben, standing beside the priest with a stony expression on his face.

“Kid looks like he’s at a funeral instead of his own wedding,” she hears his father, Han, mutter under his breath.

His mother, Leia, sighs beside him, “I don’t like this, Han. I don’t like _her_ at all.”

Rey catches Han patting Leia’s hand out of the corner of her eye, “It’ll be fine, sweetheart.”

“He’s making a mistake!” she hissed, “how is that _fine_?!”

Han gave a placating smile, “Just trust me.”

Rey wanted to decipher what he meant but the sudden blaring of trumpets— _why_ are those monstrosities even necessary?!—had her turning against her will, watching the sheer white curtains part to reveal the bride. Rey didn’t want to, but she couldn’t help the brief once over that her eyes took to see what Bazine looked like and she looked….nice.

Pretty, even.

And that admission felt like bile in her mouth. It didn’t make it less true though, she did look radiant with the sleeveless sheath wedding dress that she picked. The lace placements on the mostly sheer bodice tastefully covering the more intimate bits of her and the plunging sweetheart neckline accentuating her rather large bust.

She looks so elegant, too bad about the rotting core inside of her.

Her steps are measured, her head held high and her face betrayed nothing, carefully blank as she makes her way to the front of the small chapel. The obnoxious trumpets died down and the piano took over, the notes of the wedding march familiar and ringing out loudly in the room. Finally, Bazine made it to the front, and the room quieted down as the priest clears his throat and opens his mouth to begin.

“Wait.”

The sound of his voice was loud, and quickly captured everyone’s attention, Rey included. Her mouth parted, watching as he grappled with what he wanted to say before continuing with, “I can’t do this.”

The sounds of shocked gasps and murmured whispers overtook the room. And Rey relished the look of shock and indignation on Bazine’s otherwise flawless face.

“I don’t love Bazine,” he admitted rather quietly before clarifying in a louder tone, “I never did.”

“Ben!” Bazine hissed, “what the hell is going on?!”

“Oh come off your bullshit, Baz.” He rolls his eyes, annoyance clear in his tone, “you don’t love me either.”

“I _never_ —“

“You didn’t have to,” he cut her off, “I already knew you only wanted me for my money.” More shocked whispers and glances from the audience. “Not only that, but someone heard you say it earlier.” More sputtering from the bride, and it would’ve been comical to Rey had the situation not been so serious. Ben then turned towards the crowd, “I’m sorry to everyone here. But there won’t be a wedding.”

Rey hears Leia whisper, “did you know about this?” and Han reply, “Just keep watching, princess.”

Ben then turned his gaze towards Rey, holding it as he says, “I think…I’m finally going to follow my heart; and be with someone that loves me as I am.”

She smiles, uncaring of anyone around them as she stands, walks over to him, and grasps his hand, locking their fingers together. “Hey,” she murmurs quietly.

He gives her a lopsided smile, “Hi.”

She chances a glance out to the crowd, briefly taking in the smiling faces of the groomsmen while her gaze pans over to looks of shock from the attendees before finally landing on the row where she was seated moments ago. Leia seemed to be surprised but not mad, which is a good thing at least. Ben’s uncle Chewie seemed pretty calm while Maz was offering a wide smile. Han, meanwhile, had a knowing smirk on his face which gave Rey the impression that he may know a lot more about what was behind Ben’s sudden decision to cancel the wedding.

Rey blushed then, glancing back up to Ben before asking, “Let’s go?”

Ben looked down at her, and she could see that he no longer had those emotions of sadness and resignation in them, instead they seemed to be filled with hope, and something more that causes her stomach to make a weird flip. “Yeah,” he breathes, “let’s get out of here.”

She squeezes his hand briefly before pulling him along with her, walking down the aisle together and leaving behind the gossiping audience and sputtering bride. She glances back over to him and offers a radiant smile, happiness filling her chest and overtaking the hole of dread that previously occupied it.

Laughing, they made their way out of the church, jumping into the reserved limo and Ben instructing the driver to take them out of there. Vague instructions at best, but Rey couldn’t find it in herself to care. Not when he pulled her over to sit on his lap, not when she feels his hands landing on her hips, and _certainly_ not when his mouth captures hers in a long and heated kiss.

Rey doesn’t find it in herself to mind at all.

And as she takes her time exploring his mouth, her arms circling around his neck to pull him closer to her, she makes a mental vow to herself. To love Ben every single day. To show him that he _is_ worthy of being loved. To tell him this every moment. She vows to do all these things, for as long as it takes until he believes her and even long after he does.

She’ll show him that she loves him.

She swears it.


	2. Through Our First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His hesitant smile grew a little at the realization that she was unabashedly ogling him, something that she wasn’t ashamed to admit. “You look great,” she says sincerely, watching him rake his fingers through his hair and catching a peek of pink tinged ears underneath. His nervous gesture.
> 
> Bloody adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking that each chapter will be dedicated to a "first" that they do together as a couple as they work through each of their own doubts and insecurities (mostly our poor, adorable Ben) and become stronger as a couple. I don't have a specific chapter count in mind but I am hoping to wrap it up between 5-10 chapters.
> 
> Also, do not worry! There will be smut. <3

Rey frowned, fidgeting nervously as she smooths down the black lace that laid above the red wine colored fabric of her dress. It was a semi-formal dress at best, but Rey had no other dress that could come even close to the admittedly vague description sent to her this morning.

> **Ben Solo at 11:09am:** I’ll come get you at around 6. Wear something formal.

She fretted for _hours_ what exactly he envisioned or categorized under the word formal and consulting Finn and her other friends certainly didn’t help matters.

_“Ooo, something long and flowy, preferably with a long slit showing some decent leg.”_

_“No! Finn is totally wrong, something tight, show off those curves!”_

_“Why the hell are you asking me? Ask Rose!”_

_“Ugh, Hux is hopeless. And Finn and Poe know nothing. Something off the shoulder? Oh! Actually, wear something with lace! No guy can resist some skin showing behind lace.”_

She loved Finn, Poe, Hux, and Rose. She did. But their advice was _wholly_ unhelpful considering she didn’t own anything completely fitting their ideas of formal.

So instead she raided her closet in a whirlwind of activity—her bedroom now the perfect imitation of a hurricane razing through it (or at least her closet)—and tossing her clothing in every direction imaginable.

Rey is in front of the standing full mirror that hangs onto the door of the closet with thin metal strips for dear life, ignoring the piles of clothes that would be a bitch to clean up later. She was wearing an off the shoulder dress. The bodice of it technically a sweetheart neckline but the overlaying lace creating an off-the-shoulder look. It hugs her and accentuates the admittedly small bust before cinching off at the waist with a silk ribbon tied to a bow at the front before flowing out to end at her knees. The lace at her bodice was a nice floral pattern, which matched the silver daisy pendant and matching earrings that she elected to wear. Meanwhile the lace that ran from the ribbon belt downwards was plain, allowing the reddish color underneath to be more noticeable in comparison to the top.

She heaves a sigh in defeat, giving up on worrying over the dress and opting instead to try her hand at wrangling her hair into something somewhat decent that wasn’t her go-to three buns.

It was at least ten minutes of pure struggle combing her hair out and pulling it into a loose ponytail when she heard the chime of her doorbell. Giving once last glance at her reflection in the mirror, she quickly grabs the black clutch purse that was perched on top of her dresser and sprints out of her barefooted out to the living room and towards the front door of her modestly sized apartment.

She really shouldn’t be surprised to see Ben in a suit. Hell, she’s seen it countless times before when he would meet her and the others after work for some drinks; his huge frame walking through the doorway with a still, somehow, perfectly pressed dress shirt and pants, his suit jacket in his hand and slung casually over his shoulder. He had always looked delectable in a suit, especially whenever she was fortunate enough to catch how the fabric strains against the massive muscles underneath. But somehow the knowledge that he had had gotten dressed, not for work but, specifically for _her_ …

It was doing things to her.

“Hi,” she greets him, a small smile on her face, and _just_ catching the way he was eyeing at her, as if he were awestruck by her appearance.

“Hello,” he replies back, his smile more hesitant.

It had been about a week since the botched wedding ceremony between Ben and Bazine. A week since Rey confessed feelings that she had been holding for Ben for _years_ that she never thought she would have the courage to do.

A week since Ben echoed those same feelings to her.

She had given him time to process the sudden shift in their relationship, being respectful of his space and willing to wait however long it took for him to make the first move—especially as she was no stranger to waiting. It took him a good day before he first called, seemingly still in disbelief of what happened between them and questioning if Rey was still sure she wanted to continue with him.

It took a lot of assurances that, _yes_ , she really wanted to give them a try while mentally hurting at the way he sounded so unsure, so convinced that she would have changed her mind within the span of a day. She knew it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with his own insecurities. Rey could only wonder just what happened in his life to cause him have such low thoughts and opinions about himself and who she could’ve possibly missed this whole side of him.

She had a lot of work ahead of her.

Which brings her focus back to the mountain of a man in front of her and Rey found it unfair just how easily he looked so put together and well dressed.

He was beautiful.

The dark blue dress shirt was a nice contrast to the black tie and suit combo and his light skin. His hair was tousled, almost as if he ran his fingers through the dark tresses various time which was mostly likely the case considering that was a nervous habit of his.

His hesitant smile grew a little at the realization that she was unabashedly ogling him, something that she wasn’t ashamed to admit. “You look great,” she says sincerely, watching him rake his fingers through his hair and catching a peek of pink tinged ears underneath. His nervous gesture.

Bloody adorable.

“Where are we going?” she asks, snapping him out of whatever haze he was in.

He clears his throat, “I got us reservations at Pava’s Place.”

Rey’s eyebrows furrow in thought, “Isn’t that that high class Michelin star restaurant?”

“Yes.”

Confusion clouds her thoughts as she thinks aloud, “Do you go there often?”

He scratches the back of his neck, “No, it’s my first time going.”

She tilts her head, an unbidden thought forming in her head, but decides that making assumptions at this time won’t do. Instead, she quickly steps into the black pumps that she had previously set beside the door and gives him a bright smile as she says, “Okay, let’s go!”

* * *

The interior of the restaurant was very…distinguishable.

And that was the easiest and possibly nicest way to describe the sight in front of her right now. The walls were stark white, with dark wood paneling running from the middle of the wall to the floor. The floors themselves looked like marble, surely not practical considering it was a restaurant although it didn’t seem as bustling as the restaurants that she’s gone to.

There are only slivers of white paint visible, as the majority of the walls were covered in paintings of different shapes and sizes, all pristine and expensive looking. It looked more like a modern art type of gallery rather than an expensive restaurant, the tables and chairs the only indicator of what the place actually was.

There were already a few people seated sporadically around the restaurant as Ben and Rey both walk towards the front desk. Ben quickly greeted the person at the front and gave his name. The host then called over a nice looking woman who introduced herself as Kaydel who then led them towards the back of the restaurant, where a table was already set with two chairs and candles, casting a warm glow over the white, crisp tablecloth. There is a half wall facing them, helping to obscure their seats from the gazes of any curious onlookers should they glance their way.

Ben picks up his pace to surpass her, moving to pull a chair back and gesture at her to sit on it. Rey smiles in response, taking her seat and allowing him to help push the chair in before he takes his seat across from her. Kaydel passes a menu to each of them, before quietly stating that she would bring them their waters and then take their orders.

Once she left, Rey began to look over the list of items, frowning at the names that she couldn’t understand—what the _bloody_ hell was a Witchetty Grub? Then again, she _really_ shouldn’t criticize considering there are unique item names such as spotted dick and bangers and mash back in the England—and her frown deepened more when she realized that there was also a glaring lack of prices on the menu.

She glances over at Ben and sees him pensively staring down at his menu, also at a loss.

“I’m not really sure what to get,” she giggles nervously.

He looks up from his menu towards her, a tick in his jaw, “I guess we’re both a bit blind here.”

They share a quiet laugh then, until Kaydel returns with two glasses full of ice water, each one adorned with a wedge of lemon that rested right on the lip of the glass. “So, are we ready to order?”

Rey is chewing at her bottom lip as she asks, “do you have any recommendations?”

Kaydel’s expression is kind as she lists off a few items from the menu, all of them strange names that Rey couldn’t recognize.

“Is there any steak in the menu?”

“Oh! The carpetbag steak is one of our more well-known dishes.”

Rey frowns slightly at the name but orders it nonetheless. Ben follows suit, ordering the same item and asking Kaydel to also give them the best wine pairing for that dish.

They share a nervous glance and laugh once more, allowing that moment to slip away and instead filled the moment with idle chatter about anything and everything.

“I’m sure Hux is just being Hux,” Rey comments after hearing Ben’s latest workplace story involving the often sarcastic ginger that she calls her friend and he begrudgingly—although she’s almost sure it’s not completely begrudging—calls an acquaintance.

Ben rolls his eyes, “when is he not being Hux? I think the day he manages to deliver a statement that doesn’t come off as a sneer would be the day we all die.”

Rey shrugs, her eyes twinkling in amusement, “I don’t know. Rose seems to think he can.”

“Let me clarify then. If he manages to do that at anyone _other_ than Rose then we all die.”

“Fire and brimstone?”

“I was thinking more plague-like levels of doom, but we can add the fire and brimstone to it.”

“I would start saying your prayers now, Ben,” she smiles mischievously, “I think I can make him crack in a week.”

He stares at her for a moment before he begins to laugh heartily at that, the low timbre and easygoing attitude of his shining through and causing her heart to flutter. She opens her mouth to continue to tease him but they are once more interrupted by Kaydel, who quickly sets down a tray at an empty table nearby before setting their wine glasses on their table followed by the dishes they ordered. Both Rey and Ben thank her as she leaves, and Rey looks down and nibbles on her lip

In hindsight, she probably should’ve asked Kaydel what _exactly_ were the ingredients in the carpetbag steak meal. What greeted her was an admittedly feeble looking four ounce steak, maybe a strip steak if she remembers her cuts of meat correctly, some ridiculously tiny potatoes—three of them, she counted—and four pieces of asparagus. There was a brown sauce that rested at the bottom of the dish and although it smelled pretty good, there was an underlying hint of something that smelled off.

She glances up to see Ben staring quizzically down at his dish too, possibly drawing similar thoughts. He glances up and she can instantly identify the slight reddening of his cheeks, almost as if he wasn’t sure how to proceed.

So instead Rey took the initiative, raising her glass of wine, which he quickly followed with his own glass and they clinked them together, “Bon appetite,” Rey says, bringing the glass to her lips and taking a small sip, proud at herself for managing to hold back the wince when the highly bitter liquid hit her tongue.

Rey sets the glass aside, already deciding that she would rather stay with water for the rest of the meal and instead turns her attention to the plate in front of her. She finds herself frowning again at the number of silverware that lined either side of the place. She hesitantly reaches for the biggest knife and fork from the group, hoping that she chose the correct utensils, before she began at cutting right through the center of the steak. From there, she turned one half around and cut it in half again, spearing it with the fork and coating it in the brown sauce before quickly bringing it up to her lips.

Her eyes widened as soon as the piece of meat entered her mouth and not because it was delicious, though it wasn’t because it was terrible either. There were underlying tones of _seafood_ in the steak which she wasn’t necessarily opposed to as she was a lover of food, but it was unexpected and the texture contrast felt wrong. She quickly looks back down at her plate and realizes that there was a pocket inside the meat which housed the surprise ingredient, oysters.

Rey begins to chew at the piece in her mouth, trying her best to keep a neutral face and focusing on anything else besides how weird the textures felt together.

“Are you okay?”

Rey looks up to see Ben staring back in concern. She forces herself to swallow the bite of food she had been chewing for far longer than she usually chews through food, “Fine,” she lied. Ben arches a brow at her skeptically, making her roll her eyes in response and huff out a breath in exasperation, “Really, Ben. It’s fine.”

His brow arches a little higher, “Rey.”

“Fine,” she sighs in defeat, “this just…wasn’t what I expected.”

He seems confused, and underneath the thin veneer of his nonchalant exterior she could see his hesitancy, “Was the food not good? We can order something else.”

“It’s not that,” she says quickly, before quietly correcting herself, “okay, maybe it’s a little bit of that. But I meant more this whole place,” she gestured vaguely towards the other tables.

“We can find somewhere better, there’s another restaurant up ahead that I hear is even better—though it’s more exclusive but I’m sure I ca—“

Rey cuts him off, “Ben, that’s not what I mean. Can we—,”she chews at her bottom lip, “is it okay if we go?”

She can tell his confusion is growing, and with it his hesitancy and second guessing, but he still nods, “sure.”

Ben quickly calls for one of the waiters, asking for the check and declining when they asked if anything was wrong. Rey almost lamented the loss of the food, used to always finishing her plate and savoring every bite of it but knowing that there was a more important issue to address immediately.

That and the food was not very palatable for her.

Check paid—and Rey could feel her eyes bulge out slightly at seeing the price on the receipt (how the hell do two plates and two glasses of wine cost $180?!)—they left the restaurant in silence. As soon as the valet pulled up with Ben’s sleek Maserati Nerissimo Edition Rey jumped into the passenger seat, Ben taking up the driver’s seat and pausing to take a deep breath, his hands gripping tightly at the steering wheel. “Where to?”

* * *

Ben could only stare in shock as they pull up to the worn down and bustling diner, taking up a parking spot right in front of it. “Maz? You want to eat here?”

“Of course!” Rey replies easily, her tone in disbelief that he would even ask that, “we always go here for food! I thought you liked it here?” she couldn’t hide the slight wobble of her voice at the end of her question. Now she was worried that she could’ve been wrong and misread him.

“No, no, of course I do,” he quickly assured her, but she could tell he was leaving something unsaid and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from prodding further.

At least not until she gets some decent food.

The little dinner owned by an even smaller woman was well worn and cared for. The interior looked like it hadn’t changed since the 1950s, which was probably true considering the checkered linoleum floors, the walls having stainless steel panels along with Art Deco elements. A service counter dominates the interior to the right of the small space, with a preparation area against the back wall that were easily visible and floor-mounted stools for the customers in front. To the left of the diner there were several rows of booths against the wall and at the ends.

“Hi Maz!” Rey greeted happily to the grey haired woman that was currently wiping at the counter.

“Rey,” she greets with a small smile and a nod, before turning her gaze to the other person with her, her eyes warm, “Solo.”

“Maz,” Ben inclined his head slightly, “can we get the usual?”

“No,” Maz replied, her tone serious before her eyes crinkled in a smile, “go ahead to the usual seats,” she said, nodding towards the regular corner booth that they would take.

Rey and Ben walked over to where said booth was at, taking their seats on the squeaky red pleather upholstery and Rey quickly setting her arms on top of the white laminate table. “So, mind telling me what’s been going on with you today?”

“It's nothing.”

She lifts an eyebrow in skepticism, “Is it now?”

“Its fine, Rey.”

The familiar words and moment were definitely not lost on her, considering the roles were reversed just moments ago, “Ben.”

He looks away then, and she notes the slight pinkish hue of his cheeks as he mumbles something under his breath.

“What did you say?” she asks patiently, knowing that he would tell her what was on his mind eventually.

“I just…” he sighs, running a hand through his hair, “I wanted to give you a good experience for our first date."

“A good experience?”

“Something memorable,” he replies, looking off to the side.

“Ben,” Rey’s hand reaches forward to rest on top of one of his, snapping his attention back towards her. She gives him a small smile, “you don’t have to do that.”

He gives her an incredulous look then, “what do you mean? You deserve that, Rey. You deserve so much.”

“I have you,” she counters easily, “that’s already more than enough.”

He remains silent then, contemplating her words. Rey allows him the space and time, and started to move her hand away but was stopped when she felt a slight squeeze from his fingers. They stayed in that quiet silence, comfortable in each other’s presence.

Soon, Rey sees the familiar sight of the older and lively Maz move around the end of the counter, walking towards them with a tray and two tall glasses of liquid. Maz is smiling as she sets down the food, a bacon cheeseburger with extra fries and a large soda for Rey and a Cesar salad and a large sparkling water for Ben.

After setting everything down, Maz gives Ben a hearty pat on the back and moves back to the counter, leaving them to their meals.

Rey can’t help the familiar cringe as she eyes the offensive amounts of healthy she sees, “Next thing you’ll tell me is that you actually like _quinoa_.”

Ben pauses, his forkful of food halfway up towards his mouth before his lips quirk and he replies, “And if I do?”

Rey fakes a shudder, sticking her tongue out at him.

He chuckles, the deep rumble causing Rey to shiver a second time though for entirely different reasons, “you could stand to eat actual healthy food you know.”

“I do!” Rey exclaims, pulling off the top bun and pointing down at the onions, pickles, lettuce, and tomato on the beef patty, “see! That’s more than enough for me.”

His eyes are crinkling slightly at the corners with the smile he’s giving, “Brat,” he teases gently, finally bringing the forkful to his mouth and begins chewing at the mouthful of salad.

They continue eating in companionable silence, the moment broken by teasing comments towards each other and small moments of conversation about their day. Ben teased Rey for how she demolished at her burger while Rey teased ben for his lack of fun with food. It was similar to their many conversations when they’ve gone out to each with friends, yet at the same time it was more.

The fact that they were able to maintain such an easy-going conversation on their own now, without having their friends involved and without having to hide their feelings for the other, was a great comfort for Rey. But she knew she had to drive it home for Ben too.

“You don’t have to impress me you know,” Rey holds his gaze then, hoping that her words are able to convey the truth behind them, “you already have me, Ben.”

Ben stares at her, mouth agape for a few seconds before his lips twitch into a hesitant smile and he replies,

“You have me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feed the muse with comments! They are loved <3


	3. And Our First Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ben, I want this to go through your head and stay lodged in your brain. I’ll repeat it as many times as I have to. You _deserve_ to be loved. You deserve to be cared for. You are a good person. You are kind, you listen, you care so much about those you love. And I’m privileged that you chose to be with me.”
> 
> Ben shakes his head. “Rey, no. No, you’re so pure. I don’t deserve you.”
> 
> “You _do_ ,” she insists, “you deserve _everything_. And I won’t stop telling you this everyday until you believe me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hi there everyone. It's been a while...haha....
> 
> I'm sorry. Work has been work and writers block has been terrible. But I've suddenly been bitten by a writing bug and am taking as much advantage as I can before it disappears. I hope this chapter lives up to everyone's expectations D:
> 
> I think I have a potential chapter count down (maybe 9 chapters) but am still blindly working through the vague outline.

**And Our First Dance**

The amount of bodies within the packed space made Rey nearly pant in exertion just from being in proximity of it all. 

It was a Friday night, and with the arrival of Friday night came the time-honored tradition of going out with her friends to do some sort of activity. For the most part, they stuck with eating out to which Rey was more than amenable to.

Tonight though, the group decided they wanted to go out to the club and dance.

It’s a small space, somewhat pretentious looking considering its only color scheme is red and black. Expensive looking black leather chairs circled equally black wooden round tables; several of them spread throughout the room. Chandeliers of red hung from above the space, casting a red glow among the black walls and floors, and if one were able to actually make it through the somewhat crowded seating arrangements then one would find a set of steps that lead down to the main dancing area; which were equally as packed and claustrophobic inducing. 

Rey is currently at the bar taking a breather, which is ironic considering the bar should be one of the more packed spots in this club. 

Poe and Finn were back at the table, probably still engaged in some borderline pornographic PDA. Rose had escaped to the dance floor itself alongside her sister Paige who was visiting from out of state. Rey smiles then, Rose had been looking forward to her sister coming for months now, ecstatic when her sister finally took time off from her job as a doctor and booked a trip to see her sister and to meet her boyfriend, Hux. 

Rose and Hux were a recent thing, apparently emboldened by what Rey and Ben did way back then at his not-to-be wedding, Hux declared his own love and intentions for Rose and they instantly hooked up. Rey fidgets in her seat then. Rose had been very open, much to Rey’s dismay, about her and Hux’s sex life. 

Part of Rey felt a surge of jealousy at Rose being able to have that connection. 

Ben had insisted on wanting to take this relationship step-by-step, saying that he was determined to take Rey places, show her things, and experience little moments together first in a non-sexual way. Rey respected it, she did. 

But she would be a liar if she said that she hoped they could take that next step _sooner_ rather than later. 

Someone bumped right into her shoulder, and she let out a string of curses when the sudden jolt caused the amaretto sour that she has been nursing to spill over the glass rim and splash onto her hand and dress. Rey immediately gets to her feet, grabbing the napkin that the bartender gave her earlier with her drink to dab at the places where the liquid spilled into. 

Whoever it was already left, not even offering a half-assed apology which only serves to further sour her mood. Rey really wishes that Ben were here, at least then she could laugh at his grumbling as he bemoans the state of music today.

“Hey sweetness, what brings you here all alone?”

The cringe she could feel forming on her face could probably rival every previous one she’s ever had. She keeps herself focused ahead toward the rows upon rows of liquor bottles lining the shelves on the wall, hoping against all hope that the person was talking to someone else.

A tap on her shoulder lets her know that she was a fool to hope, and instead she takes a deep breath and turns around on the barstool.

The first thing that hits her is the overwhelming smell of whiskey that permeates from his breath. He is tall and broad, though a part of her is quick to mentally point out that Ben could still dwarf him in size. His blue eyes are dilated with a film of haze over them that indicates that he’s probably three sheets to the wind by now. Rey finds herself leaning backwards, trying to put space between them, while maintaining as calm of an expression as possible. 

“Can I help you?” she asks in as even a tone as possible.

He makes a deliberate showing of looking at her up and down. “What’s a pretty thing like you doing all alone?”

“I’m not alone, my boyfriend should be here soon.” She answers. It wasn’t a lie, Ben was supposed to be here with them, but a last minute hold-up at work resulted in both him and Hux having to stay behind and do some damage control. Ben had texted her and assured her that he would be on his way as soon as he could. That was twenty minutes ago.

“Uhuh,” he replies, his tone clearly disbelieving. “Well since he’s not here, how about you and me have some fun?” he asks while leaning forward.

Rey instinctively leans further back, “look, I’m not interested,” she replies, all attempts at civility gone, “so you can leave now.”

His face contorts into one of annoyance and embarrassment, “listen sweetheart—“ 

Rey cuts him off immediately. “Don’t call me that,” she hisses. 

He seems slightly taken aback by her sudden aggressiveness. “Look, let’s start over,” he says in a placating tone, not even bothering to apologize. His lips quirk upwards in an awkward attempt to appear suave, but it doesn’t move Rey one bit. “Names Owen. What’s yours?”

Rey is scowling now, opening her mouth to tear him a new one when a strong, muscular arm wraps around her shoulders, stopping her from speaking.

A low, growly voice reaches her ears, and she immediately relaxes at the sound. “I believe the lady said she was taken.”

Rey turns towards the voice in her seat, “Babe!” she squeals, wrapping her arms around Ben while internally cringing at the nickname. She did not need the other guy to know actual names.

Ben ducks down to press a chaste kiss on her lips that, for how brief it was, still manages to steal her breath away. “Hi sweetheart.”

She practically swoons at hearing his term of endearment for her, and offers him a bright smile, “was work okay?”

“Yes,” he replies, offering no further details. He glances over to the guy, who was _still_ somehow there and watching them. “Do you mind?”

The guy scratches at the back of his neck, “Yeah dude, sorry. Didn’t know she was taken.”

“She told you she was,” he replies back icily.

The man brings up his hands in a placating gesture, “Hey man, you know how girls are sometimes. I wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth or not.”

“It shouldn’t _matter_ if she had been lying. You should have backed off the moment she said no.”

Rey could feel his muscles tensing around her shoulders, can imagine how his eyes are staring daggers straight towards the man and decides it’s best to intervene now. “Babe, it’s fine,” she says in a soothing tone, glancing back over to the other man, “I’m sure that he’s learned not to bother a woman whenever she says she’s not interested. _Right_?” she asks in a warning tone.

“Yeah, yeah!” He’s quick to agree. 

The asshole.

Still, he was at least able to take the clear and very open out she offered and stood up, offering one more half-assed apology before walking towards, and disappearing into, the crowd.

She can instantly feel his relief, his muscles relaxing beneath her hand. He presses a kiss on top of her head, murmuring a thank you against it.

“I should be thanking you,” she whispers in reply before huffing out in irritation, “he was stupidly pushy and I was ready to punch him in the face.”

He pulls away, the hand that was wrapped around her shoulders now moving up to push a few errant locks behind her ear. He offers a lopsided smile, “That makes two of us then.”

Rey wraps her arms around his waist, pulling him closer so she can snuggle into his warmth. The rest of the world fades away around them; all she can seem to see, hear, and feel right then and there is Ben.

His own arms immediately come up to wrap around her smaller body and she hums in happiness. “Take me home?” 

She feels his body tense. “We don’t have to do anything,” she quickly clarifies, feeling the blush beginning to form on her cheeks, “I just…I’ve missed you.”

It was true, Rey hadn’t been able to see Ben as often as she’d like lately due to his recent increase in responsibilities at work. Although she understood that he had no choice in the matter, it didn’t help quell the persistent sadness that came from it.

“I know,” he kisses the top of her head again, “I’ve been neglecting you, haven’t I?”

She’s quick to stop that train of thought, “It’s not your fault,” she states firmly. It pains her that he continues to hold such a negative view of himself; continuously placing blame on himself for missing something, or for any little thing that he will attribute to some shortcoming he has. “Stop that,” she tells him when she sees the way he’s lips twitch down into a frown.

“Sorry,” he automatically apologizes, an ingrained habit from since he was a small boy.

“Don’t apologize. You can’t control what happens at work,” she reasons, tightening her hold on him. “Let’s go please? I’m not really in the mood for this whole scene.” She says, referring to the packed and loud club.

He nods again, “Okay, let’s tell the others then.”

It was quick work, to find the others and exchange goodbyes. Miraculous even, considering how much effort it took for her to even navigate through the throngs of partygoers earlier. It probably helps to have a veritable fortress of a man leading the way and clearing a path for her to follow. 

The ride home was blessedly quiet and comfortable as well, which gave Rey room to think. It also gave her the opportunity to continuously glance over at Ben to make sure that he wasn’t somehow berating himself for her earlier comment of missing him. His hold on the steering wheel is tight, the knuckles nearly white with the effort and she knows that when they get back to her apartment she will have to do something about it.

When they arrive at her home, she’ll be sure to show him that he’s worth more than what he thinks. 

* * *

Whenever he is inside her home, he manages to fill the whole room.

To be fair, her home is basically a shoebox but...semantics.

He’s standing in the middle of her small living room, almost as if unsure about where to go. She’d giggle about it if it weren’t for his genuinely confused and somewhat lost expression. Instead, she reaches for, and grabs, his hand and leads him over to the lumpy yet comfortable apricot colored couch; guiding him to sit down before taking a seat right next to him. 

Rey turns her body towards him, her right leg tucked underneath her left. He’s already staring at her, his warm expressive eyes seemingly unsure about what to do. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” She asks, unable to avoid the elephant in the room.

She sees the way his Adam's apple bobs, and he turns his head away from her, staring instead at an empty spot on the wall. “It’s nothing, Rey.”

“Bullshit.”

He blinks a couple of times, thrown off guard by her sudden answer. “Rey…” He’s quickly stopped by a finger to his lips, her finger.

“You stop right there, Benjamin Organa-Solo.”

Uh-oh, Ben visibly swallows at hearing his full name coming from her lips. She’s only ever used it whenever she was beyond annoyed with him. He remembers the first time she did it, after he had brushed her off to hang out with his other friends. The first time he had let her down. 

The first time he felt his soul wrench itself into pieces with the knowledge of having hurt her in some way. And it’s a guilt that he carries with him, despite her assurances that she’s fine and that there’s nothing to forgive. But it still weighs him down somehow, the knowledge of the years of love that they missed out on. All because they both couldn’t see the amount of love that they held for the other. 

Maybe that’s why he doesn’t open up enough, he doesn’t know. He’s not a fucking therapist.

But he’s trying, if only for her.

“Are you listening?”

He blinks several times, focusing on her bright hazel eyes before giving a slight shake of his head.

Rey sighs in exasperation. “Ben,” her body turns more towards him, her hands coming up to cradle his face in her hands. “Ben, I don’t want to rush you. I want you to go at your own pace. But I want you to know that, whatever it is, I’m _here_. You can talk to me. No matter what it is, I will always be here for you. With you.”

It takes him a moment to register her words, another moment to process them through his mind. He lets out a shuddering breath and closes his eyes briefly, letting her words soothe his troubled mind and heart. It feels like a balm over his soul, her constant reassurances. Though he knows that he shouldn’t rely on it, on _her_ in that way, but the selfish part of him still clings to it.

“I’m...afraid.” He admits in a low whisper.

“Afraid?”

“That I’ll wake up tomorrow and find out this is all a dream. That none of this is real. Sometimes I still wonder if you’ll realize that I’m not good enough for you.” Because he’s too much, too needy, too intense, he adds mentally. Because he knows that he’s fucked up in the head and someday she’ll realize this and leave him too. 

“Ben.” She whispers, and he looks at her just in time to see a tear escape her eye and trail down her cheek. He feels that twisting in his gut intensifies because he’s done it _again_ , he’s hurt her again and he’s being so selfish yet again and why can’t he just shut up and…

“Stop.” she says. “Just stop thinking and listen to me.”

He nods, taking a deep breath and willing the doubts and voices in his head to quiet down, at least down to whispers. 

“Ben, I want this to go through your head and stay lodged in your brain. I’ll repeat it as many times as I have to. You _deserve_ to be loved. You deserve to be cared for. You are a good person. You are kind, you listen, you care so much about those you love. And I’m privileged that you chose to be with me.”

Ben shakes his head. “Rey, no. No, you’re so pure. I don’t deserve you.”

“You _do_ ,” she insists, “you deserve _everything_. And I won’t stop telling you this everyday until you believe me.”

He can feel his lip trembling, eyes stinging with unshed tears. All of his life, he remembers being told to stay strong, to not show emotion, to stand alone. Always alone. But Rey, _his Rey_ , she encourages him to be true to himself. She doesn't allow him to close himself off from the world. She doesn’t pressure him, she gives him the space to let him be comfortable with speaking more with her. She is a balm against his troubled soul, and he feels so greedy for having her. But yet he remembers her words, how she _chose_ him. 

It fills him with so much emotion to hear those words.

Ben rapidly blinks the tears away and his arms come up of their own volition to wrap themselves around this tiny, fierce woman; holding her close and taking in her scent, her presence. Her arms move down to hug him even closer and that’s how they stay for several minutes—enjoying the quiet calm of her tiny apartment and the occasional muffled sounds of traffic drifting in from outside. 

Soon, too soon in his opinion, Rey pulled away and stood up. “Wait here.” She says quickly before she turns around and walks into her bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar.

Ben takes the opportunity to glance around her living room, standing and walking over to the wall filled with picture frames. He can’t help the twitch of his lips upturning to a smile when he sees the round face of a younger Rey, probably around 5, wide smile and with a gap-tooth, standing right next to a younger version of himself. 

He remembers that time, when the strange van pulled up next to his neighbor Maz’s house, and a tiny scrap of a child is led by the hand up the cement steps by a young woman in a suit. 

* * *

_Ben walked over to the neighbors house, at the insistence of his mom, with a plate of cookies. He sees his neighbor, Maz, crouched down and talking to the small girl (boy? He can’t seem to tell), who seems to hesitate at the doorway._

_He feels like he’s intruding, which is his mom's fault if anything, but instead of running away like he wants to — he steeled his nerves and clears his throat._

_“Hi Ms. Kanata.”_

_The older woman smiles bright, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Benny boy! What brings you here?”_

_Ben lifts the plate in his hands up a little. “Mom sent these over.”_

_He finally has a chance to see the child up close. They look gangly, their clothes two sizes too big, and Ben can see the marks marring their skin. Something prickles at the back of his mind at seeing their state, and he can’t help but feel sadness at seeing the empty look in their eyes._

_He doesn’t even realize that Maz took his plate of cookies, giving her thanks as she does so, and was taking them inside. He doesn’t seem to have any awareness of his surroundings other than the scrap of a kid in front of him. “I’m Ben.” He blurts out, unsure of why he does it but not regretting it._

_The child looks up at him, almost as if they snapped out of a daze. They look at Ben before looking down at the floor, feet kicking at the little pebbles in the ground._

_Ben frowns, wondering if maybe he’s overstepped somehow and prepares to say his goodbyes and run back home before he’s halted by the whispered words._

_“I’m Rey.”_

* * *

“Gods, I look terrible in that picture.”

Ben turns just in time to see Rey leaning against the doorframe of her bedroom, arms crossed over her chest in a way that accentuates her bust. “What, the gap teeth aren’t cute to you?” He replies back playfully.

“Ass.” she replies back easily walking over to stand in front of him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Dance with me?”

Ben blinks, processing her request when he suddenly hears the sounds of a piano playing from her bedroom. It’s a song he doesn’t believe he’s heard before but instead of questioning her, he nods and brings his hands up to rest on her waist.

Soon, he hears the soothing melody of a woman humming, accompanied shortly after by the sound Rey humming along. He opens his mouth, about to ask her what song they’re dancing to, but then he hears the lyrics.

_How long will I love you_

_As long as stars are above you_

_And longer if I can_

_How long will I need you_

_As long as the seasons need to_

_Follow their plan_

His mouth audibly clicks shut, while he stares down the head of brown hair that’s pressed against his chest. She’s still swaying to the music, her voice low and soft as she sings along to the lyrics. He allows himself to be lulled into a sense of peace and contentment by the music, his hands tightening their hold around her waist.

_How long will I be with you_

_As long as the sea is bound to_

_Wash up on the sand_

The sting of tears is back. And oh, how he wishes he were stronger to hold them back, but he can’t. 

And he shouldn’t have to be, he remembers Rey once telling him. _It’s okay to not be okay_ . It’s okay to feel what he feels. He knows she’s right. But there’s so much history, so much that’s he’s done wrong, that it's difficult to break past habits. But for _her_ , and for himself, he can try. 

So he lets the tears fall.

_How long will I want you_

_As long as you want me to_

_And longer by far_

_How long will I hold you_

_As long as your father told you_

_As long as you can_

Her singing is slightly off-key and shaky, but he can clearly hear the amount of emotion in her voice. It makes him want to hold her tighter, to remind her and himself that he’s there, that they’re together and that it’ll be okay. 

_How long will I give to you_

_As long as I live through you_

_However long you say_

_How long will I love you_

_As long as stars are above you_

_And longer if I may_

It’s going to be okay because she’s right, he’s good enough. Even if it’s still hard to believe it. Even if he still doubts himself. Even if a small part of him still waits for the day she decides that he’s too much and walks away. He’s enough. She’s said that he’s enough. He needs to believe that. 

_How long will I love you_

_As long as stars are above you_

The song comes to an end, far too soon in his opinion, and they’re left swaying on the floor to nothing. His mind is still processing the song and it’s clear-as-day meaning. There’s a warmth that blossoms in his chest, unfurling it’s petals and spreading outwards to consume his whole body and mind. She hadn’t said the words out loud yet. Some would argue that it’s too soon for the words to be said. They’ve only been officially together for a little over a month. But, if he really thinks about it, these feelings have existed far longer than that. Maybe since the beginning.

“You know this is our first dance?”

He blinks, coming to stop. “What?”

She looks up at him, her lashes accentuating the fullness of her cheeks. He notices her eyes are gleaming with her own tears. “It’s our first time dancing as a couple.”

“Oh.” _Ah,_ now her statement makes sense. “I’m sorry it’s not glamorous.”

She giggles, the sound light and airy, as she burrows herself closer to him and lays her head back on his chest. “It’s not glamorous,” she whispers, “it’s perfect.”

He doesn’t say anything then, instead bringing his arms up to wrap around her shoulders and hold her close to him, to his heart. 

He couldn’t agree more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is, How long will I love you by Elli Goulding.
> 
> I have part of chapter 4 written. Hopefully I can get through it and post again next week :)

**Author's Note:**

> THESE TWO ARE ADORABLE FLUFF BALLS AND I CAN'T STOP WRITING ABOUT THEM.
> 
> Which means that I'll sporadically write up random chapters of moments in their lives: first date, first time together, etc.
> 
> It won't be regular uploads though...but I'll do my best to wrap them up in a pretty bow for everyone as soon as possible <3
> 
> As always, please feed my muse with comments! They are always loved and cherished!


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